Dear Danielle

We, the Friends of Gin and Tonic, are an Alberta organization that has been front & centre in the “healthy scientific debate as to the extent manmade emissions of CO2 are affecting global temperatures” that is mentioned in your party’s environment policy. Indeed, we have already highlighted that policy and your deputy leader Paul Hinman’s doubts about the “validity” of CO2 on our blog, which as a politician you would do well to note is much more popular than the Facebook page of our geriatric competitors, the so-called Friends of Science. We have also promoted your eye-catching campaign photograph.

We note that a key part of your party’s environment policy is abandonment of the current government’s carbon capture and storage initiative, so that should the Wildrose become government in the upcoming Alberta provincial election, there’ll be not only plenty of money but plenty of CO2 to go around. We’re sure your science advisors will have alerted you to the recent publication of a method for the electro-microbial conversion of CO2 to alcohol. We have already applied our Albertan knack for innovation to this new discovery: in my colleague Dr Schweinsgruber’s garage, we are in the advanced stages of constructing a demonstration plant for the conversion of CO2 to high-quality gin.



We therefore welcome your intention to give tax breaks for environment-related R&D, which we trust would include the rental of additional garage space for enterprises such as ours; and we strongly urge you to extend those tax breaks to the products of such enterprises, as long as they are intended for home consumption. We acknowledge that some in your party’s Policy Committee will be disappointed that we are not producing that good old Albertan staple, rye whisky, and therefore might not be sympathetically inclined toward our new business. In response we would note that gin’s traditional accompaniment, tonic water, not only has potential health benefits in a warming naturally changing climate, its absorbance spectrum is such that keeping it out of the atmosphere should be encouraged.

We think our proposal should find favour with your party, which is on record as promoting alcohol consumption before driving (and driving of course produces CO2). However, if after due consideration our proposal is not seen as compatible with Wildrose policy, we hope that your Disciplinary Committee will not condemn us to suffer the rest of eternity in the lake of fire.

Sincerely,
Dr Roger Romney-Hughes
Executive Director
Friends of Gin and Tonic

Alberta’s Wildrose Alliance, the local political party for all right-drinking people, recently released its environment policy: Clean Beer, Clean Water, Clean Land. Coincidentally, the Wild Rose Brewery has just released its seasonal Oktoberfest Lager, which, at 5.5% ABV, might need to be consumed in some quantity to lead to agreement with the position that “there is obviously still healthy scientific debate as to the extent manmade emissions of CO2 are affecting fermentation temperatures --and this debate will likely carry on for many years.”

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