No Sleep'til Brenchley - Letter to Moncktön and Motörhead
From: Friends of Gin & Tonic
To: The Viscount Monckton of Brenchley
Carie, Rannoch, Scotland, PH17 2QJ
+44 1882 632341; fax 632776; cell +44 7814 556423
cc: The Agency Group Ltd, London (booking agents, Motörhead)
Congratulations on your recent climate-change debate wins. Rest assured, public debate is crucial for public relations and each of your wins may, for short periods, deactivate the laws of physics and thus briefly reverse the effects of global warming.
As you might be aware, FoGT, Canada’s and Australia’s most successful climate change denial centre, recently addressed a letter to the House of Lords inquiring whether we would be allowed to use a variant of the emblem of the UK Parliament, the crowned portcullis. We based our request on the fact that you, dear Lordship, use a variant of it in your public climate-change denial presentations. Our letter received the disappointing response that “the House is currently taking steps with a view to ensuring that Lord Monckton does not in future either claim to be a member of the House or use the parliamentary emblem or any variant thereof”. You might therefore have to change your current logo. In a spirit of respectful comradeship, we considered your emblem and thought about how it might be modified.
We first studied the evolution of your emblem, a cap (which we suppose is a modified jester’s cockscomb) atop a portcullis that appears both stronger and prettier than the parliamentary one, and noted how it changed from an early 2D version (on the left above) to a 3D one later (right). We approve, as we have noted the importance of 3D vs 2D ourselves. Then we found a more recent one in which you had added some life to the chains and superimposed it over a solar background. Appealing though this version is, we were immediately struck by its resemblance to the cover of the seminal album ‘Overkill’ by royal favourites Motörhead:
While continued use of this logo will doubtless elevate you to heavy-metal royalty, it might also result in you having to pay royalties to the band (although we’re certain their supremo Lörd Kilmister would be pleased you’re a fan). We therefore propose for you an alternative design sufficiently removed from both the Parliamentary and Motörhead ones (a second derivative, if you will) that further trouble should be avoided:
We think this design is appropriate as it not only tells the proles who’ve been complaining about your emblem what you think of them, it also maintains your nice pink colour scheme. We sincerely hope it meets with your approval.
Your Friends of Gin & Tonic